We’ve all watched Adolescence, right? A mesmerising drama created by the prolific Jack Thorne and national treasure Stephen Graham. If for some reason you haven’t, it’s about a teenage boy accused of murdering a female classmate. The focus is not really on whether he did it but rather on why he might have committed such a heinous act. Andrew Tate is referenced alongside terms such as red pill and the 80/20 theory peddled by incels.
The drift of young men to the right has been written about by people far more informed than I am so I will try not to encroach. I am more interested in permanently online children and how parents approach it. That is the crux of Adolescence. The irony was not lost on me that even the detective inspector had little idea of what went on in his own son’s digital realm.
Sir Jony Ive appeared on a recent episode of Desert Island Discs. He, alongside Steve Jobs, was responsible for many seminal Apple products that inarguably changed the world. At one point he is asked about his feelings towards the rise of AI. He was, for someone in his line of work, unsurprisingly optimistic. However, he did seem concerned about the general rate of change afforded by advancements in technology.
‘You know, we need time. We need time to understand and react.’
It is hard to disagree with him. The second sentence absolutely applies to the ubiquity of smartphones and their impact on all of us but feels especially prescient for parents.
I started secondary school in 2005 (very painful to realise) carrying a Nokia 3220. It had a camera but I didn’t really use it. I played Snake and texted my friends (wuu2 2nyt? / did u c Joe fall over in PE? lmao / gtg ttyl) when I had credit. So much has changed now. That is plain for all to see.
In my early teens I would use a laptop if I wanted to go on the internet at home. More unwieldy than a smartphone and harder to shield from prying parents. But I was mostly designing my own trainers on Nike ID and messaging my classmates on MSN despite having spent all day with them. We would rank our friends on Bebo (enormous social currency) and agonise over which song would be the best public indicator of how cool we were.
That is not to say the internet was a danger-free zone or that parents knew about everything we got up to. Places like Habbo Hotel were not well safeguarded and I am sure there were forums containing unhealthy debate. Nor was it free of cruelty. People of a certain age may remember Formspring – a Q&A function integrated into Facebook. It allowed users to field anonymous questions from their friends. As so often with the shield of anonymity, some of the material was crushingly brutal. It was full of accusations, barbs and the occasional compliment. It was especially harsh on the girls. At least most boys had skin thickened by their de rigueur relentless needling. ‘Children can be so cruel’ is an adage for a reason. Whatever platform they interact on, there will always be pockets of pain. You cannot unfollow human nature.
To be online and open yourself up like that was a choice. Nobody forced us but teenagers are not renowned for making the best decisions. Being online, for children and young adults especially, feels like less of a choice now. The pandemic kept us in our homes and shoved school onto their screens. I recently watched a documentary series titled Social Studies (Disney+) which complemented Adolescence perfectly. It centres on a group of teenagers at high school in LA. One feature is the consent given by the participants to screen record their phones. Often, the teen’s phone screen appears in real time whilst they are on camera. It can be quite dizzying to watch yet also painfully familiar. The first episode is particularly powerful with the focus almost solely on social media. In the following episodes the show delves into more run-of-the-mill documentary fodder such as family dynamics, teen pregnancy and exam stress. However, the use of social media is a recurring theme and used as a framing device throughout which makes for a fascinating watch.
The show begins beyond the peak of the pandemic with students returning to class. There is one line, from a female student, that was profoundly sad. It comes less than 90 seconds into the opening episode.
‘You have to show up to school. You have to be perceived by every single person there.’
So much anxiety in two sentences.
What struck me most was the overwhelming sense of pressure that these teenagers feel.
Pressure to be wearing the right clothes.
Pressure to be interesting.
Pressure to be cool.
The teenage period will always be a rough ride for most people. Years of hormones and embarrassment. And yet, it seems to be increasingly difficult to be a teenager. In years gone by, any pressure would disappear or at least subside when you got home from school or back from the park. Now? It is almost inescapable. A smartphone is just portable pressure. A quick glance at Instagram can deal a huge blow to the confidence of any self-respecting adult. Now imagine that when your brain is not fully formed and you are just trying to fit in. Hellish. Smartphones increase the stress but I think there are additional pressures too.
Pressure to be in perfect shape.
Pressure to be somebody.
Pressure to be.
It is exhausting. No wonder they are not coping.
Of course, these youngsters could opt out of social media. We all could. But that is tricky. It is where everything happens. Or appears to at least. When you are desperate to fit in, the last thing you want to do is feel left out.
Modern parents are encumbered by an unenviable task. Managing their child’s internet usage. They have to accept that so much socialising happens online now. To deny that is pig-headed. Any blatant sort of monitoring will likely incense their offspring as it impinges on their much-desired independence. Even if secret surveillance takes place, the parents can easily be outfoxed by tech-savvy teens. Each generation has their own vernacular as too do different sects of society. With the internet catering to all-comers, much of it will be alien to a parent regardless of their own nous. In one scene in Adolescence, the detective’s son gives his dad a brief explainer on the terms being used online. Every now and then tabloid newspapers will run articles telling parents how teenagers are secretly communicating with one another. This all underlines the idea that a parent could have eyes on their children’s activity without actually understanding it.
Is the answer to take a hard line and impose very strict limits and stipulations? It could be but it would take real bravery. It risks alienating the parent-child relationship while also likely threatening the latter’s social life.
There is also the ‘Do as I say, not as I do’ issue. How can you tell your son or daughter to get off their phone when you lose hours to it yourself? I see parents pushing prams with one hand and scrolling a phone in the other. Children are handed iPads at a restaurant. Older generations can judge but they would have done the same. When children grow up surrounded by technology, it makes analogue existence more difficult.
They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.
Does that sound familiar? It’s part of a Philip Larkin poem from 1971. But you, like me, probably heard it on Succession. It shows the idea of parents being the cause of your woes is not a novel one. However, with therapy fast becoming commonplace (for those who can afford it), the idea that many of our flaws can be laid at the feet of our parents is gaining traction. Perhaps this is a reach but I feel that this idea of parents having a negative impact despite their best efforts, combined with both natural teenage ire and access to thousands of other opinions and experiences, gives youngsters another reason to rebel. To seek solace in the ideas of others.
To push against any efforts to constrain their activity.
To value independence at all costs.
To withhold.
To lionise people who present alternative views.
Read that again but with the image of a teenage punk or goth in your mind. Not much different really. And yet, worlds apart thanks to the ease with which we access the internet. Smartphones are re-wiring our brains and it is the young who will suffer the most. Many of the teenagers in Social Studies were intelligent and thoughtful. But they are struggling. Unable to extricate themselves from something that has become a necessity.
I feel sorry for the parents too. Trying to protect their children from themselves. From unseen dangers in an unfamiliar world. Or, worse, simply not knowing what is going on. As Adolescence will attest, ignorance is not bliss.
You write in such an interesting way James.
Very enjoyable yet thought provoking.
Brilliant